I wonder if divorcing the NFL is the answer.
I wonder if throwing Commissioner Goodell under the bleachers is a real solution.
I wonder if a ban of the NFL really helps.
Our better response may be to educate ourselves on this issue. Domestic violence is a rampant problem in at least one of every four relationships based on reporting to the National DV Hotline. Right here in Charlotte, NC we had more than 9,300 criminal incidents of domestic violence last year. Break that down, that is nearly 25 cases per day where someone communicated a threat to the one they love or they assaulted them to the point of physical harm or somewhere in between.
The NFL may not have responded as quickly as we all would have liked (especially now that we know what we know), but where were the whistleblowers two months ago when Ray Rice held a seven minute press conference apologizing to everyone but his soon to be wife? (05/23/14 > http://youtu.be/WJBkG_kyqxI). Mr. Rice spoke for more than 6:30 of that time giving his fiancé, Jayna a mere 30 seconds to share.
Our challenge with intimate partner violence is a lack of accountability. Victims are re-victimized every day in our court system, in our workplaces, and yes… in the media.
I did a segment on ESPN Radio yesterday I was asked, “Why did Jayna defend him and call out the media?” Well, it’s pretty simple. She is probably scared for her life and feels she had no other choice in order to survive.
We all need to look at this issue a bit differently. Watch the May 23rd press conference again and see if you can count how many times Jayna had the confidence to look up let alone hold eye contact with the camera. It appeared to me that she was afraid to even look at the man “she loves.” Commissioner Goodell made the same mistake that Pastors and professional Counselors make every day in every city in the country. Couples counseling in these volatile relationships does not work. The risk in this practice is the victim (male or female) has to go home with their abuser. It doesn’t matter if they said anything in the session or not. A simple roll of the eyes or a sigh to something the perpetrator said is enough to get the victim a beat down later.
Instead of us all banning the league and pointing the finger finding fault elsewhere, we may be better suited to gain some understanding of what we are dealing with.
Personally, I applaud Commissioner Goodell and the NFL for their swift and firm response once they saw firsthand what took place in the elevator. Their stance sends a loud and clear message to all of professional sports that players abusing their wives and girlfriends will not be tolerated. Let’s wait and see what happens to Ray McDonald (San Francisco 49ers) and Greg Hardy (Carolina Panthers) when their cases are heard before a jury of their peers. If those cases prove to be as heinous and nothing happens then let’s call out the league.
I wonder if our anger toward this situation is not better suited toward our law makers for not instilling firmer penalties. Did you know that in North Carolina it is a heavier penalty for dragging your dog down the street? Animal cruelty is a felony. Dragging your girlfriend behind your truck is a misdemeanor. Maybe we should recruit every NFL fan to call their Legislator to pass the Violence Against Women’s Act long before it’s status is in jeopardy.
For me, the finger in this situation needs to be unanimously pointed firmly at Ray Rice. Not his wife. Not the NFL. At Ray Rice!
Ray Rice is lucky he is not facing a murder rap. We see countless numbers of domestic violence related homicides every year where the victim died from blunt force trauma. Cases when the killer didn’t mean to hurt her, but their choice to lay hands on her put her head through a wall. A seemingly harmless push can be enough for a victim to lose their balance and slam their head on an island in the kitchen.
Jayna Rice is lucky to be alive and clearly is doing everything she can to survive.
Our rage toward this issue needs to address how we might potentially save her life.
If you need help or know someone in an abusive relationship call the National Hotline at 800-779-SAFE (7233). Ask them about a safety plan.
If you want a better understanding of what domestic violence is go to http://CSS.CharMeck.org and click on the Women’s Commission.